Why I am not a chef: Potato Yogurt Bacon Salad

I have been wanting to eat more yogurt. But there is a little catch - I hate the taste of yogurt (blah, gross). But, white reading Real Simple mag, a recipe caught my eye. It had yogurt WITH bacon. Bacon, whaaaaa? ……….. halleluya! The recipe is called the “Bacon, Potato, and Watercress Salad”. Hmm, why does the name looks like a list of ingredients. I ponder, then move on determined to make the dish.

Here’s a peek at the recipe (bottom right side) on my fridge … looks good, right?

Below are the ingredients …. my confusion ….and the reality (of why I am not a chef):

30 minutes …. took me 60 minutes to make this “side dish”. (pizza would had been quicker).

New potatoes …… what the heck is “NEW” potatoes? Does the market sell “OLD” potatoes? Is “NEW” a brand?  

Bacon …. nice reminder on why I am even attempting to make this recipe. 

1 tablespoon instructions … of lemon juice ONLY. NOT including salt, and pepper. More on ‘that’ discovery later. 

Supermarket didn’t have watercress or chives …. why are SUPERmarkets called SUPER when they don’t carry these ingredients. I ended up getting spinach (instead of watercress) and leeks (instead of chives). Is it almost the same? Who knows .. it’s not like I can eat the paper recipe and taste the difference. 

Ok, enough rant …. here’s what ended up happening.

Ingredient …… lemon (2 tbsp):

I use actual ‘tablespoons’ to measure. 

Squuuuuezzzeee .. darn, this is harder than I thought…. squeeeeze …. tablespoon almoooost full. Squirt … droplet floating towards my eye (picture the Matrix movie). Oooouch, my effing left EYE. WTFreak, how did that squirt manage to reach MY eye and miss the large spoon? I think it had something to do with taking this CLOSE-UP pic. Next time I will use my zoom less. 

Thank goodness I am by the kitchen sink (rinse my eye w/water … BUT for some reason our kitchen faucet loves to disgust it’s ‘cold’ self with hot water first (on our to fix it …. probably never) … so I wait until it turns cold (about freaking time .. eyeball wants to pop out) . aaaaaah, relief. Until this ….

Ingredient: ……. chives leeks (2 Tbsp)

(Mr “suuuuper”market didn’t have any chives so I used leeks instead.

As I was washing the leeks, one of the ends did a somersault and DIRT (not clean water, but DIRT) flew into my RIGHT eye.

After strangling the leeks for attacking my ‘good eye’ (and my left eye still recuperation from the lemon attack), I proceeded to chop it (aggressively) into small peaces.

I then remember that I have the potatoes boiling MORE than I was suppose to (20 minutes extra). Guess I spent too much time strangling the leeks. Now its close to being qualified as ‘mashed potatoes’.

Ingredient: ….. “NEW” potatoes (1 1/2 lbs).

What’s this “pound” stuff? Why can’t they just say 2 or 4 potatoes. Who the eff has a scale in their home? Oh yeah, real chefs. And that the heck is that disgusting white foamy thing in the water? Maybe the potatoes I purchased aren’t “new”.

Ingredients ………. pepper and salt.

A tablespoon of pepper .. yep, I followed what I “thought” was the correct measurement. How on earth do I squeeze peppers into the measuring spoons.  I will use a dish .. twist twist twist .. that looks like a tablespoon amount ‘to me’. What on earth is that sizzling noise? Must be outside (maybe the sprinkler). 

A whole tablespoon of salt seems like a lot so I will add half. I finally decide to use my measuring thinga-ma-gig:

Then I see …. read the mixing instructions … which call for 3/4 salt + 1/4 pepper. What? I thought it was 1 tablespoon. Ok, u be the judge. Here’s my case. I look at the step-by-step- ingredients and ‘read it’ as requiring 1 tablespoon of each ……

Note to self - “read the entire recipe’ before I begin prep work. 

What on earth is that sizzling noise? The sprinkler still? 

Yikes, the BACON is burning toasting! 

Ingredient ….. bacon (YUM!)

Another clue that I am NOT a chef -> are all the knife marks on the pan.  Thanks to hubby for enlightening me to use a cutting board and not cut meat while it is ON the pan sizzling.

Bacon crispy, I ninja chopped it with a knife ……. not! It was a pain to chop (perhaps bec it was on a plate, not a chopping board … but hey, at least I am not cutting it on the pan, right! Baby steps people). Cave-woman technique ….  muuuuuch easier to use my hands to tear-it-to-pieces (yes, I had a rough day at work).

Ingredient … plain lowfat yogurt. 

Time to whisk all the ingredients in a bowl (I use my cereal bowl) and use a spoon instead of a whisk.  Hey, why dirty more utensils, right?!

Ingredient ……. watercress spinach.

I almost forgot the spinach … this time I did use a knife to cut the leaves (maybe). 

I took my clear bowl and thought about adding the dressing  to the bottom of it before I added the main contents. Good Idea.

I forgot about it. So, dressing PLOPPED on top of it:

And this is how it turned out? … delicious!

How is this suppose to be a ‘side dish’?  After all my sorting (ingredients), chopping (by hand), injuries (my eyeballs), slicing (yes, I eventually used a knife not just my cave-woman fingers), mixing (drenching) the dressing ….. conclusion: this is a ‘main meal’ NOT a “side dish” (for me).

What I learned …. I need more practice reading/cooking recipes, I should befriend our cutting board, I tend to whisper curses when cooking a new recipe, I should wear goggles when handling lemons, it’s okay not to ‘follow the rules’ in recipe (as in life we learn from our mistakes), I had a FUN time “trying to be a chef”.

It really reaaaaally turned out delicious. I like yogurt after all (wohoooo). Time to enjoy it my creation . . .

Do you have an EASY fun side dish that you recommend? Emphasis on easy. Stay tuned tomorrow … a peek at another one of my interior design projects (some behind-the-scenes action shots). CZU74MZZRX6B

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6 Responses to Why I am not a chef: Potato Yogurt Bacon Salad

  1. Emily says:

    This post is hilarious, Ada! Every single time I use lemon (which is nearly twice a day), I’m terrified that it’s going to squirt right in my eye. Thank god for glasses, I guess. But anyway, this looks so yummmyyy! Anything with bacon is an A++ in my book. My ‘go-to’ side dish is black bean salad. I keep it simple with black beans, cilantro, a little bit of red onion, rotel tomatoes, and a squirt of lemon (or lime) juice. Yummm.

  2. Gloria says:

    I couldn’t stop laughing through this post :-) At least it turned out delicious!

    • Ada says:

      Thanks … I’m grateful that I didn’t poison myself and manage to keep my eyeballs from any more injuries!

  3. Shannon Fox says:

    I am soooo not a chef, so I appreciate all the effort you put into this YUMMY looking potato recipe! Thanks for stopping by Fox Hollow to say hi. Shannon

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